Fifth Column 10:47 Thu Apr 30
Serious tips for job interviews
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I've been trying to persuade my Mrs to move out of London for a while and have got a job interview in a week's time near where I want to move to. I reckon that will be the clincher with the move. However, most of the jobs I've got have been through contacts rather than through formal job applications... I've always been great at applications but shit at interviews.
It's a contract compliance type job... I can answer all the technical questions, that's a piece of cake, just shit at selling myself.
Any (serious) suggestions?
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Replies - Newest Posts First ( Show In Chronological Order)
Gentile
9:57 Wed May 6
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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"Particularly the research of the organisation & what they say/believe their core values are, Try & link that to your own strengths & empathise with those values if you can, both in your thoughts & link it to work experience/examples if you can."
Fucking depressing reading that is. Good god what a ridiculous world we live in honest days.
How about turn up look smart and have a nice chat about how fortunate you are to have got all the experience you have and that you would love to find out more about the job?
No need to be a cunt about the whole thing and start spouting core company values etc.
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andyd12345
9:53 Wed May 6
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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Remember an interview is not only there for you to sell yourself to a company, but also for the company to sell itself to you. Don't be afraid to ask them questions; does the company have a long term vision? What is it? How is it going about trying to achieve it? If the values of the company are something that's important to you, flip the question back to them. Do they feel the values accurately represents the culture of the company? How? No one wants to be stuck in a company who's vision is to stand still.
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riosleftsock
9:35 Wed May 6
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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If they ask you any of the usual bullshit HR type questions - name your weaknesses, demonstrate how you overcame a difficult situation etc.
Offer to explain yourself through the medium of modern dance.
Give them a nightmare scenario (caught a paedophile at work) and insist on them ROLE PLAYING it through with you.
They will love it/you.
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Reality Cheques
9:15 Wed May 6
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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All what YellowBelly said.
Particularly the research of the organisation & what they say/believe their core values are, Try & link that to your own strengths & empathise with those values if you can, both in your thoughts & link it to work experience/examples if you can.
They may ask & or should ask - why you - what makes you stand out & why should they employ you? Think about that properly & honestly before your interview in case you get asked that & if you don't then spin it at the end as a summing up on your part.
Don't be frightened to ask them questions as long as they are positive ones related to the actual position rather than do I get a discount from the canteen.
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Spandex Sidney
8:27 Wed May 6
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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When asked what is your greatest strength then stand up, unzip and get your cock out. Rotate it windmill style using just your hips and reply 'this'. Finish it off with a cheeky wink.
Compliance types love shit like that.
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YellowBellyHammer
8:22 Wed May 6
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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Some tips I have picked up along the way...
Be positive, enthusiastic and warm. resarch the company and often they will have company values and behaviours plastered all over their website & then give some examples of when you have demonstrated these within the workplace. Assume they have you in the interview because you can "do a job" but are now looking at you as a person.
When giving examples of previous work could use the star technique - describe the siutation, the task in hand, the actions you took and the good results from it.
If talking about weakness be honest and shownhow you've tried to improve on that weakness overtime.
I've always taken some previous relevant uni work or my development portfolio along to look through them which could be of use if you have anything like that?
+ Come with 1/2 questions to ask them. Hope that helps and good luck.
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Mr Polite
7:07 Wed May 6
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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Good luck tomorrow.
If you only remember one bit of advice - RELAX and Be yourself*
*this advice doesn't work if you're Milhouse. In which case you should Relax and be someone else, ANYONE ELSE!
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Fifth Column
6:49 Wed May 6
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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You'll have to guess which of the two I am
http://www.handicappedpets.com/images/stories/02-21-09_0752.jpeg
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Eerie Descent
6:41 Wed May 6
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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Link?
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Fifth Column
6:40 Wed May 6
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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I love you too Eerie.
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Eerie Descent
6:39 Wed May 6
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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Little tip, don't try and crack any jokes.
Not because it's inappropriate, just because you're not funny.
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Fifth Column
6:37 Wed May 6
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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Thanks for all the useful advice on here. I might even use some of it tomorrow.
Probably won't do the willy out elephant impression though... unless I'm going for a job reenacting Jimmy Saville's career.
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1985
9:55 Thu Apr 30
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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My most recent interview was for a police staff job as a 999 call taker. They asked me what experience I had of pressure situations and I answered 'no comment'. They then asked me what experience I had of dealing with the public, I said 'i'm not going to answer that without my solicitor present'
I got a letter the following week saying I hadn't been successful. Cnuts.
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Fluke
9:53 Thu Apr 30
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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Just say I need this job because I'm saving to go on a sex tourism adventure in Thailand. This will make you look really cool and outgoing and adventurous. Don't forget to tell them about you're gambling, drug and drinking habits. Sets you apart from the rest as you will be more risqué!! Good luck
P.s ignore the poster that said make sure you're flies are done up. Cock out and pockets out doing you're best elephant impression will be sure to wow them and will make you impossible to turn down
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claret on my shirt
9:50 Thu Apr 30
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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A) Be enthusiastic
b) Have 2 or 3 questions you want to ask that are about the job that show your interested, not how much do you pay
c) Have a couple of stories ready where you excelled, did something outside the box etc
d) always tell them your a team player but have the ability to work unsupervised
e) Obviously be clean and smart and look them in the eye
f) don't fidget like a 5 year old
g) Be 10 minutes early
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Takashi Miike
9:24 Thu Apr 30
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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:.)
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mallard
9:23 Thu Apr 30
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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Steam straight in with the Mason Handshake
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Takashi Miike
9:22 Thu Apr 30
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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do not, I repeat, do not call the interviewer an utter cunt
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Takashi Miike
9:17 Thu Apr 30
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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mention that you're a mason, it goes a long way :.)
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mallard
9:17 Thu Apr 30
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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Keep your palm dry before the handshake
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Takashi Miike
9:17 Thu Apr 30
Re: Serious tips for job interviews
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eye contact, do not stare at breasts if interviewed by a lass :.)
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